Technique & relaxation

relaxing is very much a mental thing, as much or more than it is physical. Playing while I am tired is also a great idea. It helps me relax. Usually when one is tired, they wll tense up more to play something, but they just need to tell themselves to relax.

Forgotten things, exploration of the unchartered

It has come to the point where I am forgetting how to play within genres. I tried playing heavy metal, stoner rock, sludge, and I couldn't really do it today. Sure, it could just be an off day, but I don't think it is. That is a good sign, that I have been focused on what I want to play, but it may be a bad sign that I am becoming aimless. I have been feeling unmotivated, I would like to do what i love with other people. I want to share myself with the ones who are like me. It seems that it's rather hard to do that or find those people. This is my struggle within.

Inspiration comes and goes

I think that is the lesson to learn and embrace. I was stuck musically. I think I just needed to focus on Anthromoprhic instead of UnderMind. I want to learn to interpret these feelings of seemingly uninspiration and realize that they are not always what they seem to be.

Humanity Falls last night at the Lit Lounge. Wow, they have improved substancially. I also really hate metal crowds. They are full of the stereotypes and it seems that 95% are the same, and so many people are afraid to talk and what not. If I was actually in a good mood I would have struck up some conversations, but pinching the nerve in my back really got me down. I wrote some lyrics right before HF went on and now Eston wants to use em for their last song, Iniquity by God. He said they reminded him of the lyrics to Unholy Cult (the album). Makes me feel pretty good. I haven't written lyrics in a while. Here is what I have so far...

Crafting genuine horror
unhooking the chains
lashing out viciously
my soul, my drive
the will to bring rains of fire
the fire to freeze your skin
the skin that burns from frost

freeze to ash and burn to ice

my wrath in formidable form
shadows of madness
swarm in legions
choking the iniquity
I fight against god

this is my pledge
this is my will
this is by myself

Changing...

Change can be scary. Of course I like to embrace the change, but when you do that, it is hard to keep your goals in mind, because they may change too. I do not know what I want out of music anymore. I found a place in weight lifting and martial arts, I had a strong place in music. Now I do not know where I am. May be I am just stuck between the two and it will just be a new balance. I feel like I always need to be doing something and I find it hard to focus on solely one thing. It's not that I can't, but my mind wants to wander and focus on many different things. I don't know what to make of this. This is why I have trouble practicing. Sometimes I practice with noise in the background or music on because that helps me concentrate a bit more. I guess this explains why I write very complex music on guitar. I have gotten to a point where I am not concerned with getting THAT much better at guitar. I don't know if I really need to, to still write the music I want to write. I think I have my techniques down pat, and just need to maintain them. May be I am closer to reaching my musical goal than I thought I would be. I have been playing guitar for a very long time, and I am not the best in every area, but do I really want to be? Many musicians excel at other areas that I don't and vice versa.

It is also getting hard to listen to music. May be it is because I am so familiar with it. When I put music on, I just want to wander and feel like doing something else in addition to it, but if I do that, then I won't be focusing on the music enough, or may be I am. I am really confused with this new revelation I am having and I do not know what to make of it. I think the best thing to do is to work with it, not ignore it, and not fight it. May be I am finding that music isn't my whole life. May be my two music projects are enough and are exactly what I need out of music, and not much more?

My ear is getting better, that is a plus. When I listen to music, I can catch the notes better (mainly talking about tech death, because it's so fasssssst). This might have something to do with recording and listening to my own music. I am beginning to dislike practicing. I am not sure if dislike is the word. I am bored with my practicing routine, that's for sure. I find myself wanting to create more than "practice." Developing great technique comes from constant usage of those techniques. None of my techniques at this point are particularly weak, so I don't think I have a strong need to rigidly practice them anymore. I incorporate many techniques in my music and may be that is enough to keep be on my toes. I made up a little song today. So far it is only two parts. I think my next album will be much more simplistic than what I have been writing.

I am sitting here, listening to Thiago's music in pitch black, well besides the computer light. I absolutely love his music. I connect with it on a very deep level, but at the same time, I feel that he is ahead of me or on a different level. I am at peace with myself, He iss at peace with himself. I feel like he conveys it better or more easily than I do. All of my music has a lot of tension building and releasing, but none of it is purely relaxed like Within the Zone of Transcendence. This music is very powerful and I feel it would be futile if I were to try and describe what exactly I am feeling. It is evoking some serious emotion from me, however. That is why I can connect with it so well, it brings me elsewhere, just like UnderMind does. That is the point in our music.

On another note. I had my first recording session today. I recorded in Dom's room. Small room, 2 amps, and a bunch of other shit. We got in there, set the 2 mics up really quick, and then recorded. One take for the track. First time I have ever played it. He was the perfect match for the song as well. There is room to add in other parts and what not, but I dont know if there is really a need to. I might just save that for live performances. When we started the piece, I was afraid of fucking up. There was this one part I was shaky at, but I kept repeating to myself "everything is water," and "in music there are no mistakes." These two quotes got me through the piece rather well. The piece was so visual and perfect. It was exactly how I imagined it was going to be. At this point, I have A Rare Moment of Silence and The Color of Mirrors to record. After that, I want to also write Of Emeralds and Rings, but I might have to take a bit more time on that.

I forgot to add this. I practiced outside for the first time today. It was so awesome, fun, and free. I felt a lot more open and not so closed in, in a certain space. I often would look up at the sky and the trees/branches, and I felt that that truly is the essence of UnderMind. To visualize yourself, to hear yourself, and to be taken somewhere. I will be practicing and jamming outside a lot more.