Changing...

Change can be scary. Of course I like to embrace the change, but when you do that, it is hard to keep your goals in mind, because they may change too. I do not know what I want out of music anymore. I found a place in weight lifting and martial arts, I had a strong place in music. Now I do not know where I am. May be I am just stuck between the two and it will just be a new balance. I feel like I always need to be doing something and I find it hard to focus on solely one thing. It's not that I can't, but my mind wants to wander and focus on many different things. I don't know what to make of this. This is why I have trouble practicing. Sometimes I practice with noise in the background or music on because that helps me concentrate a bit more. I guess this explains why I write very complex music on guitar. I have gotten to a point where I am not concerned with getting THAT much better at guitar. I don't know if I really need to, to still write the music I want to write. I think I have my techniques down pat, and just need to maintain them. May be I am closer to reaching my musical goal than I thought I would be. I have been playing guitar for a very long time, and I am not the best in every area, but do I really want to be? Many musicians excel at other areas that I don't and vice versa.

It is also getting hard to listen to music. May be it is because I am so familiar with it. When I put music on, I just want to wander and feel like doing something else in addition to it, but if I do that, then I won't be focusing on the music enough, or may be I am. I am really confused with this new revelation I am having and I do not know what to make of it. I think the best thing to do is to work with it, not ignore it, and not fight it. May be I am finding that music isn't my whole life. May be my two music projects are enough and are exactly what I need out of music, and not much more?

My ear is getting better, that is a plus. When I listen to music, I can catch the notes better (mainly talking about tech death, because it's so fasssssst). This might have something to do with recording and listening to my own music. I am beginning to dislike practicing. I am not sure if dislike is the word. I am bored with my practicing routine, that's for sure. I find myself wanting to create more than "practice." Developing great technique comes from constant usage of those techniques. None of my techniques at this point are particularly weak, so I don't think I have a strong need to rigidly practice them anymore. I incorporate many techniques in my music and may be that is enough to keep be on my toes. I made up a little song today. So far it is only two parts. I think my next album will be much more simplistic than what I have been writing.