An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Salsa dancing

Ok, time to have a reality check. I have been dancing salsa for one month. I have not been practicing very often either. I feel like I should be a salsa god by now. I want to be at the advanced level right now. One month. What have I learned in one month? How to lead a right and left turn, the basic step, an open break, cross body lead, cross body lead with a turn, and some shines. Well that's all good, but why am I still disappointed with the level I am at? Because I haven't been practicing!!! plain and simple. It is time to start practicing like it was guitar. Even if I don't practice salsa, I need to practice dancing. I need to just move my body and make it natural so I do not shy away with other people. I can't dance in front of people. It is one of those self conscious things that everyone seems to go through. I NEED TO BREAK THAT. My only concer is embarassment. WHy is being embarassed so unmotivating. Well, obviously embarassment is not a pleasant feeling. On the other hand it won't last forever and can in fact be a good motivator. Ok so what is the problem????

Things to start working on
-graceful movement (practice mostly slow)
-styling, moving my whole body to music
-feeling the music better (I had a problem counting the rhythm, but I have a grasp on it now)

random feelings...

things that I have missed out a result of having had social anxiety
being warm
meeting people
experiencing other cultures
leading my life

it seems that I am trying to rush what I am doing, or perhaps I am pushing and judging myself a bit too hard. Being a harsh judge is good for making progress, but it can also discourage you from doing what you want. Everything takes time, progressive overload, and gradual progress to develop. This is one thing I am starting to learn. In my case, I rush things (just not blindly). When I start something new I have a tendency to want to progress hard and immediately. I am noticing it is both good and bad. Good because I will make progress faster and bad because I can easily get burnt out or discouraged from it.

An even deeper question persists...will catching up with all that I have missed out solve my problem? Are these everything that I want in life?

I was feeling depressed earlier today. I think it is because that I do not know what it is that I want out of life. This has been my ultimate question I have been seeking an answer to (and that may be the problem). I thought I wanted to be a musician, then a bodybuilder, or may be I could be normal. May be I am just a fighter and need to realize that. May be it doesn't matter what I do as long as I am progressing in something. It is really hard to grasp that concept after having a solid foundation in music and being absorbed into it 100% for most of that time.

I can choose anything to give meaning to for my life, but it's a matter of finding out what it is that I WANT. It seems that i don't have a preferencej to many things which is good and bad.

**The last time I was depressed, I changed something. May be that is the key to life, to just keep changing what you do. May be I just need to do more things and in different ways. Even changing something slightly can make you view the world in a dramatically different way. The smallest detailes can make the biggest difference**

ex. Here is a very small example of how changing can work. I changed the size of my screen resolution on my computer so everything looked bigger. I started computer in a different way and looking at everything differently. I Saw more detail in a smaller but more concentrated area. This made me want to listen to other music, and do something different on the computer. This made me want to type on the computer instead of writing. Just a small change like this can go a long way. Once I got to writing I did not feel very depressed. May be that means I am finding out the answers that I need to.

I wonder how many people go through similar thoughts...

Sunday, October 31, 2010

some new words, from learning

When learning stripped the earth of its mantle of beauty, and the ground trembled beneath my feat. Honor and glory are those worth fighting for. Speak your mind to be a fool, as your crown will degrade to copper...

quiero matar

Vengeance shoots against the walls
mocking at the gods whom failed
healing the wounds not yet made
I summon the lesions to my flesh
the fleshing veils. the masking of human

You are the mezquino, but will I fight?

Dance and learning about myself***

As I said in the past, I wanted to explore dance. Not just for entertainment, but also for expression through body movements. Currently I a starting with salsa. I am ok at it for what I have learned, but I have not begun any real practice routines for it like I have with music or bodybuilding. I will implement this sooner rather than later. I find dancing to be a LOT of fun. Well, it took me a while to figure out why it was fun, but I did. It is another way to express myself. I feel as if expression is the reason I live. I have desire to express myself in many forms; through writing, music, fitness, activities (?), socializing, dance, language, learning, actings of kindness, helping others...? I feel like these forms of expression will or are much deeper than what I have written. .

I see something in people that disgusts/bothers me. They fulfill their perceived ego without giving back. I notice when people think someone is egotistical and full of themselves it is because they don't see that person giving back to others. If one is full of themselves as well as others and gives back to them, that makes them a real person. someone who knows how to love. I want to get to this point in my life. In order to do so, I must become an expert at everything I would like to do, which seems to be every way in which I wish to express myself. Anyway, salsa dancing is fun and the music is great. Originating from Cuban roots, it has some jazz thrown in there with some amazing rhythm. I am learning more and more what it means to move to a beat rather to react to it in a stripped down manner. I am learning to embrace music to form expression. I am learning to break through my shell. Soon, I will go through various salsa moves that I have learned and some philosophy of dance in general.

With all that I am doing, that i enjoy doing, I am creating. I think that is what I thrive on, creationism. I must also keep in mind that just because I can not sufficiently express myself in one medium does not means that I am bad at it, nor that I should not pursue it. Everything takes time and everything has its own journey.

It seems like every time I have drank in the passed 6 months or so, it has helped me. Whether it was socially or some other way, I have learned something new. Today, I am learning about (potentially) what I want out of my life which will bring me closer to a career path