An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Goals goals goals

well aside from my terrible living situation and getting out of that, let's see where my goals are headed. I no longer want to be a pro bodybuilder, but I want to be bodybuilder. I no longer want to be a pro dancer, but I want to be a dancer. Do I still want to make it in a band? I think so. I at least want to play shows. I would definitely be satisfied with that. I would LOVE to tour. However, do I NEED to tour? I am not sure. After accomplish that what will I do? Well, dancing, bodybuilding, modeling, and art in general are just things that I love to do and I will always do. So what then is my true goal in life. "My purpose is to embody the expression of love from one another through sound, movement, pleasure, contact, and connection." Ok, that is what will make me happy! I have got the sound portion down, the movement and physical portion down. I need to get the charismatic/social aspect of that down....Then will I be happy? Will that be it? Keep doing that? In essence, to share what I love with someone who loves it like I do. So love will make me happy in life. My goal is to find "true love." I have most of the ground-work taken care of. I mainly need to focus on presentation, knowledge, and charisma. Gaining knowledge will easily lay the foundation out for charisma which in turn will flow into presentation. Simple formula. So I will focus on gaining knowledge.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

New people New things

I don't want to keep doing the same cyclical patterns. I want to go out and do different things and meet new people. Once I get money I will do this.

Goals and bodyart

Recently I have taken a break from all my passions and art. This is the very first time that I did so with ease. I finally let it come. It definitely benefitted me and from doing so, new goals are starting to form. I now have specific bodybuilding goals and music goals/projects are starting to form/ In addition I want to start exploring the world of body art and modeling. Sometimes I have to do things a couple of times before they really click. I do bodybulding poses all of the time and its because I have a strong fascination with human anatomy and I am finally realizing this/am not afraid to express it. Lately I've been looking at a lot of nude art because it excites me. Theres so much beauty being everyone yet society keeps us covered all the time. I would like to explore the uncovered art of the human body. I talked about how happiness lowered shields and made us vulnerable and open, well so does being naked. Is this connection a coincidence? I don't think so. I want to explore the uncovered art of the body in the form of modeling and movement (dancing).

Balance and the application of my art

I am truly realizing that I need to be balanced. When I am balanced I feel relaxed and at ease. Being balanced can mean a lot of different tings that can be applied in many ways. The important thing about balance is that it keeps everything special and fresh. I have too many interests because the world is so vast. How can I devote myself o one or two things? I know some people can but that is not me. Balance is strong but not overwhelming and it is the gateway to the rest of the world...literally

Happiness = drunkness in a matter of speaking

When you are drunk, you don't care. They say a drunk mind is a sober heart and that's true. When you are drunk, your shields are lowered and you become vulnerable; but you know what? You undoubtedly have a great time because you are happy. From one night of band practice followed by drinking I realized that happiness is the truest form of power. When I am happy, I don't care. When I am happy, I am open and vulnerable, but I don't care because I am having a great time. Being happy is the key to connection. I wanted to learn to be/act drunk without drinking because when I would be drunk I would say and do things I never would sober. I have finally figured out the formula to doing so. Being happy! A natural state of being high. This is why I live my life, to chase the feeling of being high. That is what keeps me going and I chase that feeling in many different ways but just like everything else, doing the same thing over and over again becomes boring...which leads me to my next topic...


I have to do me! I feel too pressured and conflicted when people expect more than that from me. I have to do me and all I can ask is that people understand that. I think this is why I have been so indecisive and I think I am going through a critical turning point in m y life. I have never trusted myself or my actions. I am finally learning what it means to be a free adult. All my years before this I have been restricted by parents, family, society, friends, and most of all myself. I have been living on my own since february. So that is a total of 4 months. This has been a huge period of indecisiveness because for the first time, my brain is working independently to develop self trust. I am only one person and how the hell can one person please everyone around them? They either can't or they can by just being themselves and hopefully friends and family will understand, support, and accept that. Isn't that what friends and family are for? I think so. When my friends and family are accepting in that nature, it really reassures that I am doing the right thing- in this case being and trusting myself. Only in these last few months of my life have I started to realize what it means to be myself. I am not quite there yet and think it will take a good year or so to reach that level. Finally, all this indecisiveness is dwindling and I am welcoming that. I have to trust myself to be free and love life.