An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Sunday, September 19, 2010

So on I wait my whole lifetime, for you

There has been tons of things influencing me the passed few months. I am not sure what to make of them or what they are trying to tell me. I have also learned that the only certainty is that nothing is certain. For the longest time I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with myself/my life and I have not been able to figure it out. I do have a better idea of it today, however. In this one area I have not progressed much at all and it is bothering me. Damn, there is so much to life how the hell can anyone decide what they want to do? Well I guess it comes down to finding that "one" thing you love. Well I think what I am finding is that there is not one thing I love. I love many things, I just have not realized this because of my social anxiety. I don't think it is a trick on my mind because I missed out on a lot. It's just like with listening to music. I can listen to new music and love it, like it, appreciate it, understand it despite the fact that all I listened to was death metal. Well the same goes for everything else in life. I can see things, do things, and like/love them, understand and appreciate them. I think what I am finding is that I like to see and experience everything. May be not everything but many many things. I am such an open and balanced person, that is the one concept I keep coming back to. While it is great to have many options, it makes things all the more difficult to choose or figure out. Ok, so I have learned that I am balanced and want many things in life. Now I have to narrow that down to what specific things do I want to explore. The problem with being open and wanting to do so many things, is that when there comes a time to put your focus into only a few aspects of it, you are lost and indecisive. Why do I have to put my focus into only a few aspects right now? Because I need a stable/good job. That is how I will live comfortably and still be able to explor and experience life. Ok I COULD do like many different things and have quite a few different jobs, but that just wouldn't work. May be I could work in different environments as life goes on, which is no problem at all, but I need one thing to focus on. This is my problem. Practically speaking, I do not know what field to go in to. This is where everything falls apart. SHould I just pick one at random that makes good money? Do I really have no preference? These are the specific questions that are bugging me now. Once I answer these, all that is next is to go to school, do it, then move out on my own and be completely free. Then I will live a happy life....Here is yeat another step towards unwravelling my mystery, still not there yet. Just like in bodybuilding, everything is a process....