one thought leads to another
A while ago I wrote in my phone about what qualities i would like to express to other people and the liste I came up with is as follows:
well mannered
cheerful
humorous
down to earth
strength
courage
intelligence
wisdom
charisma
uunderstanding
fun
passion
The 5 things that I need to greatly work on are as follows:
Cheerfulness
hunor
intelligence
charisma
fun
I came up with a small equation
Cheerfulness + intelligence + humor = charismatic. A greatly charismatic person = fun
-----------------------------------------------
What would my life be like without hovvies or passions? I imagine just like everyone else's. I feel as that is the main thing that separates me from others. I am at a point where I am thinking of something new to pursue and coming up blank. I think that a lot of people get to this point and give up; thus they just live and do "fun and dumb" activities. Passion is what gives me reason to live. It makes me thrive
Without passion, connection between others becomes more frequent yet less inense. I now know what I am looking for in a girlfriend and best friend, and that is passion.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
12th stage
Upon writing this, I realized, I do not know how to spell 12th. I think its twelveth. This is a continuation of another post, the stages of my life. I am entering yet another stage. that stage consists of charisma and professionalism. It is time for me to figure out how to really reach out to others and to vocalize myself.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Enlightened weekend!
Ok, So my man Thiago spent the weekend at my house. I will skip to the highlights of the weekend. We had our first jam the first day he was here. I was on my guitar, him on keyboards. It was great to play with him and to play with a different style of keys than I am used to (jamming with my brother). We hit up some good free form melodic ambient esque music. At the end of this, I was very tired because, well, ambient music just puts me to sleep! Our second jam was with Circle of Insanity, my "black metal" project with Eston. We jammed our first song right away and holy shit it went nearly perfect, for a jam! It was amazing and I truly felt alive in the music with the added bass and vocals. This practice went really productive and I feel like we are truly making progress being that it was our third rehearsal. I have learned a lot on guitar and I am finally able to use a lot of that in music with other people. I am so happy all the countless hours I had put in in the passed years to practice really paid off. HARD WORK PAYS OFF!!!!! I pushed myself at that practice and the next jam session I had. I am getting closer and closer to the skill level I want to be at. I am realizing that when I am home and practicing I don't always play very clean or perfectly or I don't have much energy, but when I am in a band or playing with others I obligate myself and play how I should. My friends all have very nice things to say about my guitar playing and I appreciate it so much, however, I feel like it isn't anything special. I feel many many other people could easily achieve what I have, and so many people have done that and lots lots more. It doesn't seem that most people understand that, but hey so what. I guess I am a good guitar player. At the very least I stay true to what I like to play, and that is the most important thing in art.
The last two jam sessions I had were probably the best (aside from circle of insanity practice). The second to last one was an acoustic jam. We played my classical and acoustic electric. It was very meditative and intense. I really loved this one because it seemed like Thiago really connected with what I was playing. It was fun to let loose with someone else on the classical. It feels meaningless to do it when I am alone except for practice, it's kinda like having a conversation with yourself, what's the point? Then the last jam sessions was me Thiago and my brother. This one was very cool however a bit chaotic, but I guess that is expect with 3 people who have rather varied and odd tastes in music.
Aside from the jam sessions, we had some very stimulating conversations of the universe and life. I felt as though I was somewhat of a mentor to Thiago. I was spewing a lot of "wisdom" which it seemed as though he took a lot of it to heart, and I hope he did, because a lot of what I was saying rings true for many, if not all aspects of life. It was great to develop a bit of relationship that way, it also help me understand more of what I was saying because talking about things will do that in general.
The last thing I would like to mention is the very first listening of The Beckoning Lake with the cello track and my second listening of John Coltrane- MFT live in japan. Both were great listening experiences. Listening to these was a bit more familiar to me so it's not like I had a new enlightening experience. It was a lot of reinforcement this time.
The last two jam sessions I had were probably the best (aside from circle of insanity practice). The second to last one was an acoustic jam. We played my classical and acoustic electric. It was very meditative and intense. I really loved this one because it seemed like Thiago really connected with what I was playing. It was fun to let loose with someone else on the classical. It feels meaningless to do it when I am alone except for practice, it's kinda like having a conversation with yourself, what's the point? Then the last jam sessions was me Thiago and my brother. This one was very cool however a bit chaotic, but I guess that is expect with 3 people who have rather varied and odd tastes in music.
Aside from the jam sessions, we had some very stimulating conversations of the universe and life. I felt as though I was somewhat of a mentor to Thiago. I was spewing a lot of "wisdom" which it seemed as though he took a lot of it to heart, and I hope he did, because a lot of what I was saying rings true for many, if not all aspects of life. It was great to develop a bit of relationship that way, it also help me understand more of what I was saying because talking about things will do that in general.
The last thing I would like to mention is the very first listening of The Beckoning Lake with the cello track and my second listening of John Coltrane- MFT live in japan. Both were great listening experiences. Listening to these was a bit more familiar to me so it's not like I had a new enlightening experience. It was a lot of reinforcement this time.
Friday, December 10, 2010
The stages of my life
So, up until this point of my life, I am finding there are a few definable stages I have been through which largely make me who I am. I want to take a look at these and examine where I have been, where I am, and where I am heading.
First stage: Martial arts. I started MA when I was very young and continued for a good 6-8 years. That is where I got the fighter in me to come out. This is where I learned discipline, hard work, and dedication.
Second stage: Music is born. The next stage I hit was listening to heavy music. This will be the biggest influence on my life I think, I always looked up to my brother and definitely copied whatever he listened to, haha, but I did truly like what I was listening to.
Third stage: Guitar. The music stage actually didn't lead me to learning the guitar. I saw my brother come home with a bass guitar and I thought it was soooo cool so I just decided to buy one myself.
fourth stage: Social anxiety starts to take its toll. I think I had social anxiety way prior to this, but by this time I was well into high school and it had a huge affect on me then. I didn''t really know it or wanted to admit it. I was always confused by my feelings. My social anxiety led me to alienate myself from others (thus exacerbating the effects of it), and always being alone in what I do. This also loed me to a lot of depression which in turn led to a lot of creativity
fifth stage: The positive stage. This is when I saw the website positivefeelingsrule.com The fact that there was a website dedicated towards things being positive changed my whole outlook on life. I think that website is ultimately what made me able to, later on, subjugate my depression and anxiety.
sixth stage: Practice practice practice. At this point in my life, guitar was no longer just an instrument. It waas my way of speaking, not verbally like most (social anxiety). I spent hours and hours practicing and playing''', I miss those days
seventh stage: College stage. I am not sure how college really helped me develop. I was still socially anxious, and my limiting group of friends seemed to somewhat understand that. I guess what I learned from being in college was to meet as many people as I can, something I greatly missed out on and think ahead.
eigth stage. Extreme change. Bodybuilding and full gear towards creating an album. I started bodybuilding and that changed me completely. It gave me a new found confidence as well as strength other than physical. It was another outlet and another way to separate myself from people as well as connect with others. For most of the two years that I have been bodybuilding, I have put it before making music because I feel it was something I had to seriously work on.
ninth stage: Undermind and The Beckoning Lake. This stage is the story about all the tension and anxiey I have had over the years and learning, twisting, changing, from it and letting it go. Subconsciously, that is what The Beckoning Lake is about. However, it is also about so much more
tenth stage: The fighter returns. i then got into martial arts again, but in general I just started fighting. I constantly had battles with myself as well as other people. I would make everything a competition so that I can strive to be better and better. This REALLY showed in bodybuilding, and at the present time, well my results compared to others, speak for themselves.
eleventh stage: Exploration. This is my time to start learning so many new things and getting absorbed into everything that I missed out on, such as reading, dancing, new music, connecting with people, being friendly etc etc. I am now heavily into music, bodybuilding, connecting with others, dancing, reading, etc etc. I am finally learning who I am to become.
Where am I going from here?
First stage: Martial arts. I started MA when I was very young and continued for a good 6-8 years. That is where I got the fighter in me to come out. This is where I learned discipline, hard work, and dedication.
Second stage: Music is born. The next stage I hit was listening to heavy music. This will be the biggest influence on my life I think, I always looked up to my brother and definitely copied whatever he listened to, haha, but I did truly like what I was listening to.
Third stage: Guitar. The music stage actually didn't lead me to learning the guitar. I saw my brother come home with a bass guitar and I thought it was soooo cool so I just decided to buy one myself.
fourth stage: Social anxiety starts to take its toll. I think I had social anxiety way prior to this, but by this time I was well into high school and it had a huge affect on me then. I didn''t really know it or wanted to admit it. I was always confused by my feelings. My social anxiety led me to alienate myself from others (thus exacerbating the effects of it), and always being alone in what I do. This also loed me to a lot of depression which in turn led to a lot of creativity
fifth stage: The positive stage. This is when I saw the website positivefeelingsrule.com The fact that there was a website dedicated towards things being positive changed my whole outlook on life. I think that website is ultimately what made me able to, later on, subjugate my depression and anxiety.
sixth stage: Practice practice practice. At this point in my life, guitar was no longer just an instrument. It waas my way of speaking, not verbally like most (social anxiety). I spent hours and hours practicing and playing''', I miss those days
seventh stage: College stage. I am not sure how college really helped me develop. I was still socially anxious, and my limiting group of friends seemed to somewhat understand that. I guess what I learned from being in college was to meet as many people as I can, something I greatly missed out on and think ahead.
eigth stage. Extreme change. Bodybuilding and full gear towards creating an album. I started bodybuilding and that changed me completely. It gave me a new found confidence as well as strength other than physical. It was another outlet and another way to separate myself from people as well as connect with others. For most of the two years that I have been bodybuilding, I have put it before making music because I feel it was something I had to seriously work on.
ninth stage: Undermind and The Beckoning Lake. This stage is the story about all the tension and anxiey I have had over the years and learning, twisting, changing, from it and letting it go. Subconsciously, that is what The Beckoning Lake is about. However, it is also about so much more
tenth stage: The fighter returns. i then got into martial arts again, but in general I just started fighting. I constantly had battles with myself as well as other people. I would make everything a competition so that I can strive to be better and better. This REALLY showed in bodybuilding, and at the present time, well my results compared to others, speak for themselves.
eleventh stage: Exploration. This is my time to start learning so many new things and getting absorbed into everything that I missed out on, such as reading, dancing, new music, connecting with people, being friendly etc etc. I am now heavily into music, bodybuilding, connecting with others, dancing, reading, etc etc. I am finally learning who I am to become.
Where am I going from here?
reading, humor, and more
For a long time, a lot of my life I have not been reading. Only now am I realizing how bad that really is. I do enjoy reading, but I usually don't make the time for it, partly because it takes so long to do. Reading not only will make you more knowledgable, but it will help you connect with everyone else. I am not going to break down the benefits of reading because I feel they are fairly obvious. However, what I will do, is state that I really need to get my ass in gear and play catch up!
Another issue that has been coming up is my lack of humor. It's not that I am completely bland and unfunny, its just that I tend to laugh at things that not everyone else does. I need/want to change that. Humor is another great way of connecting with people, and just like everything else I believe you can develop and build a sense of humor. I laugh at a lot of sarcasm, and that is also my strength when it comes to humor. I feel that so many jokes are dumb and not thought out, but so many people seem to laugh at them and well, may be I should learn to do the same. I find that when I am rested and not so stressed, I can laugh a LOT more and joke way more than when I am. I tend to get too rigid with myself and I think I confused that with maturity. I will learn to always remain a mature kid. I think that is the best balance possible.
For the first time, I am feeling like I should keep my blog a little more private (its not like I have a huge audience anyway). For some reason, I don't know if I am feeling vulnerable or what, I feel like I shouldn't or don't need to be sharing all of this with other people...lots of thinking to be had
Another issue that has been coming up is my lack of humor. It's not that I am completely bland and unfunny, its just that I tend to laugh at things that not everyone else does. I need/want to change that. Humor is another great way of connecting with people, and just like everything else I believe you can develop and build a sense of humor. I laugh at a lot of sarcasm, and that is also my strength when it comes to humor. I feel that so many jokes are dumb and not thought out, but so many people seem to laugh at them and well, may be I should learn to do the same. I find that when I am rested and not so stressed, I can laugh a LOT more and joke way more than when I am. I tend to get too rigid with myself and I think I confused that with maturity. I will learn to always remain a mature kid. I think that is the best balance possible.
For the first time, I am feeling like I should keep my blog a little more private (its not like I have a huge audience anyway). For some reason, I don't know if I am feeling vulnerable or what, I feel like I shouldn't or don't need to be sharing all of this with other people...lots of thinking to be had
Sunday, November 28, 2010
INSPIRATION...FINALLY
Inspiration is a funny thing, yet it is very simple. Humans, by nature, tend to be very structured creatures of habits. Going by that, inspiration sounds hard to come by. Inspiration, creative inspiration, generally comes from doing things. The more you do, the more differently you do, the more inspiration that comes. This isn't the be all end all truth of inspiration, but I am finding it rings true within myself. Stagnation is no good! So what am I changing to be inspired? Well for once, I am making myself read! Reading has always been a weak point, and I tend to focus on my strengths more than my weakness, I guess that is pretty natural for many people. My comprehension skills are pretty behind, but it's never too late to improve. I am starting to read about my hobbies more. I want to expand my knowledge in depthly about them so I can have even deeper conversations or more well sophisticated and educated conversations. I also just read a start of a story that my friend wrote which has inspired me again to start writing....moving on
I am watching a Joe Haley interview (guitarist from Psycroptic, a technical death metal band). He is an amazing guitar player and song writer. Anyway, that isn't the point. One of the questions was what advice would he give to people wanting to learn guitar. I thought about the question too, and my answer is completely different, hehe. So I will try to answer that question now.
Want to learn to play the guitar? Here is my advice. Learn music, learn how to express yourself in many ways and practice practice practice. Do not look at the guitar as just a guitar, a 6 stringed instrument that plays musical notes. Do not limit yourself. Learn to be diverse and strong with what you play so you have an infinite range of possibilities in which you can express yourself. Practice slowly, analyze, and learn the guitar and music as if it were anything you love.
That is a very short answer and given the time I could make that into a long essay with much better organization and coherency. But my point is that everyone looks at the guitar as a "guitar" and they get caught up in typical cliches and expectations of it. I am guilty of that too. My advice to everyone is to break away from that.
Well, that's that for now. Bottom line is, if you want inspiration...do something, change something, dont stagnate. THE END
I am watching a Joe Haley interview (guitarist from Psycroptic, a technical death metal band). He is an amazing guitar player and song writer. Anyway, that isn't the point. One of the questions was what advice would he give to people wanting to learn guitar. I thought about the question too, and my answer is completely different, hehe. So I will try to answer that question now.
Want to learn to play the guitar? Here is my advice. Learn music, learn how to express yourself in many ways and practice practice practice. Do not look at the guitar as just a guitar, a 6 stringed instrument that plays musical notes. Do not limit yourself. Learn to be diverse and strong with what you play so you have an infinite range of possibilities in which you can express yourself. Practice slowly, analyze, and learn the guitar and music as if it were anything you love.
That is a very short answer and given the time I could make that into a long essay with much better organization and coherency. But my point is that everyone looks at the guitar as a "guitar" and they get caught up in typical cliches and expectations of it. I am guilty of that too. My advice to everyone is to break away from that.
Well, that's that for now. Bottom line is, if you want inspiration...do something, change something, dont stagnate. THE END
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Planning for the future
At this point in my life, it is time to develop a plan, stick to it, and start doing it. Someone I greatly look up to and admire, Layne Norton is not only a professional natural bodybuilder, he also has a PHD and a wife. And guess what? He is only 28 years old. That to me is amazing. I am not saying that I want to be like him or do the same things, but I need to get my ass in gear. I want to achieve a lot and be well off in terms of a career and money. First things first, let me examine what skills I actually do have.
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 1 month + exp.
4. ???
5. ???
Those are the three things that come to mind. I can make money by teaching in these areas. Guitar lessons would be the easiest start, and personal training will soon follow, perhaps by next summer. I would like to eventually become a great dancer and dance teacher, but that will probably take a solid 3 years or so to do (with constant practice).
So where do I go from here? I want to add more to that list, the question is just a matter of figuring out what. This is what I have to work with at the moment and I will have to make the best of these. I am 20 years old, almost 21 now. I want to have a very comfortable life by the time I am 30. By that I mean I want to be well established in different areas to the point where I can make money off of anything if I so chose. My plan is that the 9 years up until that point will be gradually progressing and getting BETTER...NOT WORSE. I will not accept that. Just like there is a certain level of guitar playing and bodybuilding I refuse to never get down to again, I will not get to a worse situation money-wise, than I am in now. I have to stay on top.
So, now that that is out of the way I want to make a plan for the next 9 years. First things first I will start with a long term goal, however I still don't have the clearest idea of what I want that to be. I will plan for a midpoint, and then several milestones in the near future.
Present: November 2010
Theracare
NRPL
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 1 month + exp.
income: approx. 12k/year
Living: New rochelle
School: none
=======gutiar lessons
January 2010
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 3 month + exp.
Theracare
NRPL
income: approx 12k/yea
Living: elsewhere
school: none
===work towards personal training
++++++6 months+++++++
June 2011
1. Guitar/music 8.5 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2.5 years + exp.
3. Dancing 9 month + exp.
Personal training
Theracare
NRPL???
income: approx 12k/yea
Living: elsewhere
school: none
By the time I am 26 years old, I want to have graduated college with a bachelors degree
That means I must enter School between 21- right before my birthday, and 22, right before my birthday.
to be continued...
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 1 month + exp.
4. ???
5. ???
Those are the three things that come to mind. I can make money by teaching in these areas. Guitar lessons would be the easiest start, and personal training will soon follow, perhaps by next summer. I would like to eventually become a great dancer and dance teacher, but that will probably take a solid 3 years or so to do (with constant practice).
So where do I go from here? I want to add more to that list, the question is just a matter of figuring out what. This is what I have to work with at the moment and I will have to make the best of these. I am 20 years old, almost 21 now. I want to have a very comfortable life by the time I am 30. By that I mean I want to be well established in different areas to the point where I can make money off of anything if I so chose. My plan is that the 9 years up until that point will be gradually progressing and getting BETTER...NOT WORSE. I will not accept that. Just like there is a certain level of guitar playing and bodybuilding I refuse to never get down to again, I will not get to a worse situation money-wise, than I am in now. I have to stay on top.
So, now that that is out of the way I want to make a plan for the next 9 years. First things first I will start with a long term goal, however I still don't have the clearest idea of what I want that to be. I will plan for a midpoint, and then several milestones in the near future.
Present: November 2010
Theracare
NRPL
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 1 month + exp.
income: approx. 12k/year
Living: New rochelle
School: none
=======gutiar lessons
January 2010
1. Guitar/music 8 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2 years + exp.
3. Dancing 3 month + exp.
Theracare
NRPL
income: approx 12k/yea
Living: elsewhere
school: none
===work towards personal training
++++++6 months+++++++
June 2011
1. Guitar/music 8.5 years+ exp. Not very mainstreamed styles
2. fitness/bodybuilding 2.5 years + exp.
3. Dancing 9 month + exp.
Personal training
Theracare
NRPL???
income: approx 12k/yea
Living: elsewhere
school: none
By the time I am 26 years old, I want to have graduated college with a bachelors degree
That means I must enter School between 21- right before my birthday, and 22, right before my birthday.
to be continued...
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