An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I want to be a star...

Have I always wanted to be a star?
I feel as though the answer is yes (and the fact that I can't say that with certainty shows unconfidence) and all my life I was too scared to admit that. Could this be why I want to be involved in so many art forms? Because I can't find one forte that will bring me where I want to be?

If being a star is what I want then how do I achieve that? I've come from a background that was far away from that sort of world. -- I was not blessed with that sort of skill set nor talents. Well, I have the talent, but have not honed it into skill during what appears to be a very critical part of development (preteens and beyond).

I have expressed that I want to be extremely outgoing, have lots of friends, play in bands, perform etc. But how much have I truly accomplished?

I get jealous when people have such amazing times out or are the center of attention. Yes! I love attention (good attention) and always have. I always admitted to myself but not to others and used to frown at attention whores and their behavior. I behaved in opposing ways to them and those thoughts have been ingrained in me. How dare I act like a "child" and try to get people to like me and pay me mind. However, its what I want, I want everyone to care about me, yet I act like I don't because I have conditioned myself to THINK (not believe) that way of thinking. I don't want to be someone who lives in their own world and never comes out, I don't want to be who I used to be. The closed, solitary, fragile, half-wit.
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I want to be that guy who is rewarded for pouring his heart and soul into what he loves
I want to be that guy that many girls want to be around
I want to be that guy who the "whole" world pays attention to
I want to be that guy who is humble yet popular
I want to be that guy that everyone wants to invite out
I want to be that guy that doesn't let people down
I want to be that guy that everyone can share their secrets with
I want to be that guy that people open up to
I want to be a friend to everyone
I want to be that guy that everyone loves
I want to be that guy you go to when you're sad, or depressed
I want to be that guy you can curl up into a ball with and feel ok
I want to be that guy that you count on
I want to be that guy that you ask favors from
I want to be that guy that helps you so much you feel like you owe him
I want to be that guy that can talk to anyone
I want to be that guy that makes people's eyes light up
I want to be that guy that you always hug
I want to be that guy that is always thankful of others
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That to me...is a star

Is this the key to happiness? I am really starting to believe being this person will make me happy. Do I really want to work so hard to get there?

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