Misunderstood, interpreting my feelings

Wow ok, so this whole state of confusion I was in was a long journey/phase in and of itself. I have learned quite a lot and I realized that playing guitar is my true calling. I know where I want to be technique-wise and playing/creativity-wise, and have always known that. I also have started developing a fresh and honest approach/perspective about the kind of music I want to be involved in and what I want my main goal to be focused on it. Watching the new HF demo videos of only Eston and one guitarist also gave me some insight. Simply put, I want to front a band that is a mixture of Anthromorphic, Monolithic, and Metallica. This in essence encompasses all of my influences in music. Each project stands strong on their own and is very much developed. They are all technical in their own ways but also very strong in the song writing. The tricky part is combining everything. The level I want to be at is improvising on stage at every/any show but having the rest of the band keeping the structure of it all. I feel as though this may actually be realistic because, not to get ahead of myself or go on a massive ego trip, but from what I have seen most people can not improvise at such a high level as I know I can and will achieve. While I love the technicality of interesting technical death metal, and the spacey ambient sounds that are associated with bands like WITTR I also love melodic/catchy/strong songs that Metallica plays. More often than not, technique and ambience tend to leave no room for "real" songs. If I can successfully blend these three things together I feel as thought I will have the ultimate band.


So I have learned that I MUST be patient with myself. I am learning a whole new meaning to the word patient, especially when it comes to goals and developing as a person. Yes it is good to push yourself above and beyond, but too much is too much. I am glad that I have gotten used to a strong work ethic and decent level of standard. Which brings me to my next point, holding too high standards is detrimental. The only standard that should ever be is to constantly get better and out-do yourself. If you are accomplishing that then you will eventually reach your best. If you try to do that too fast, then all you are doing is rushing and not giving things the room to come to fruition. These are the two mistakes I have made in the past and I have finally come to realize the severity of them as well as the repercussions they produce.

One last thing I have realized is that I do not need to second-guess myself usually. If I trusted myself in the first place and just said I needed a break from guitar, then I would not have encountered the confusion in this phase. But alas my energy had been diverted from the task at hand. I have learned to distinguish between needing to take time off and being uninspired as well. Both are two very different things. I can practice and force myself to do things when I am not inspired to do them, however, doing these things while NEEDING a break is a different story. Over-training is never a good idea.