Something I can't just wrap my head around...

It's not about the technicality, it's about the music. Or is it about both? WTF, I have been struggling with this concept for a very very long time. I've read stuff about a lot of musicians who had played their instrument for years, became virtuoso etc, and then just made some of the simplest music they could. I want the best of everything, but its so damn hard to obtain. I wanna make the best music, but I also want to develop the best technique and technicalities. At the moment, I told myself I want to play in a doom metal band so that I would not have a NEED to practice guitar. Why don't I want to practice guitar? Becuase I have done it for so many years already and it's not as fun as it used to be. That seems to be the biggest reason, the fact that it isn't so much fun anymore. But part of me just can't let go of the skill.

I take great pride in knowing that my technique is far greater than many other people's and that my technique actually impresses me.

What does that say about me? I take pride in knowing that I am good. I take pride in having ability.

now, is this a limiting perspective? It may be. It may lead to me putting too much pressure on myself and then not getting done what needs to be done. Or it could do the exact opposite. Ok, enough of what it COULD do...what DOES it do? I am not sure.

May be that is just an old wya of thinking and now that I am changing, I am afraid of it. Perhaps there are things I'm still insecure about which is why I want to keep to that kind of thinking