An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Something went wrong last night. To start things off, I was depressed before playing. It was slight depression, as in I was only feeling indifference. When it was time for my set, I played perhaps my most depressive piece, in a very concentrated and short format. I combined Nothing is discreet with My Favorite Things. I don't know what happened. The chemistry was amazing, but it amplified what I was feeling ten times. Something is very powerful within My Favorite Things. It projected my song in a new way. Once the open mic shit was over, I was feeling a lot shittier. Note to self: When depressed, don't play depressive pieces. The car ride home I was a wreck, having suicidal thoughts and what not. I don't know what did it to me. I think I unlocked something within me as I was playing. I tried listening to the recording of it, and that was really hard to do. It was one of the coldest and loneliest pieces I have ever heard. I am not scared of this feeling, but it is extreme and makes me think twice. I will however, continue onward.
I don't want to do my performance tonight either. I feel that I will feel just as shitty afterwards, but I will do it because I owe it for my friend, and it is a dick move to pull out this last minute. I will try to have fun, but I do not know what the future holds for me.

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