Sometimes it is good to relax about certain things, even if they are problematic. In fact, when I am relaxed, I can be much more efficient. That is why I need to practice more. So that I can be that relaxed, on the spot, and be able to play much cleaner. I was very focused on where my next step in music would be, but I stopped thinking about it. As a result I was able to relax my mind. I came to an answer, THE answer. I just want to write. I am going to stop writing for "this project" or "that project" and just write. When I write for something, other than myself, it changes the limitations, variations, experiences, and many other things that will make the music what it is, for better or worse. At this moment it has been changing them for worse. I have now told myself that I just want to write. If that means bringing influence from other bands to the drawing table, then I will do that. Today I was insanely productive in such a short time for the above reason and also for another reason. I have broken out of laziness. It used to feel like a chore to plug in my interface and set up my recording program and record. Well, not anymore. I was inspired by a new Ulcerate interview. The guitarists were saying how they jam, record, improvise, and send it back and forth. Then it hit me, why don't I just record, improvise, and send it back and forth (to myself) and jam on some riffs. That is exactly what I did. I so far have about 4 minutes of a song written. The song, right now, is largely inspired by Ulcerate, but that is not just because I like the band. We have a common vision. I want to make a huge sound with the music I write and that is what they are focusing on right now as well, in a very broad sense. I also metaphorically compared myself to a tree. I like to have all these complex branches and odd leaves sticking out every which way, but I like to keep a big, strong, stable core. It's funny that my tattoo idea a long time ago was a tree, and that was supposed to be a representation of myself. Well yet again, I am coming back to being a tree. That is what I want to reflect in my music, but it is not just a huge sound I am looking for. I am looking for those complex branches and odd leaves and anything else that interacts with the tree. That will be my sound.

With that being said, today I started recording/writing. I did two straight improvisations and then i did real writing and recorded it right after. It was easy to do and very productive. It has made me want to start practicing again. I want to be able to play fast AND clean, effortlessly. This has motivated me to once again begin practicing regularly.