Forgotten love

I just watched a movie called Cashback which got my brain working again. It reminded me of love. I forgot what love was, I forgot how important love is. Love is what drives a human being whether it is towards a girl, goal, or any other mission. I think part of my fascination for bodybuilding comes from the love of the human body in its physical sense. I also have a love for the female body which is something I have been wanting to explore in an artistic sense but am not sure how. When I picked up drawing that was the first and only thing I really wanted to draw, but that was a year ago. I don't think drawing is for me. Love for ________ is what drives me to make music. Have I forgotten why I started to write music in the first place? Have I never known? What is it that I love that keeps me drawn to it? I think I need to figure that out at this moment. I know I also love connecting with people in many/all ways. I feel that is true love. And then the true love can be broken down into different types of love, but in the end it is all love.

I am also noticing phases in my life and how my art has played a role. Music has helped me overcome social anxiety, BBing has helped me overcome a lack of confidence and power, dancing has helped me overcome...well I'm not sure yet, but it is fun! I feel like every so often something new is going to come about and change me for the better. It seems to be happening in cycles. This is why I love art, and it is only until the day that I die that it will all be completed. That is the only time someone can truly see me for who I was.

I feel that I dream too much sometimes. When I dream too much the dreams keep changing into something else until they become very skewed. I need to realize my long term and short term dreams, write them down, and repeat them to myself daily. I need to get my dreams back because I have either lost touch with them or never achieved them in the first place. That is where my lack of decision has been coming from lately. this is why it is important to have goals.


things to brainstorm
-why I love music
-new art to pursue
-what are my dreams