I don't wanna write about this shit anymore...I don't wanna think about it. May be guitar playing is done, at least for now. Perhaps I'll pick it up one day again. I hate to look at it as anything more than fun, it ruins it. I am getting a little sick of dancing, taking that shit way too seriously. Going to class/rehearsal 3 days a week just so I KNOW the choreo. Fuck that. I'd rather be learning new choreo. I mean I am getting ready for a performance, but damn it's just stressful and I get tired of freakin thinking about it all the time. Where's the fun in that? What's the point of doing shit in life if it isn't fun. If it doesn't bring me joy/fun how will I become happy? I made these passions into something way beyond that. A way to try and prove and connect myself with others. Hey! Look! I can play guitar too, and I am ten times better than you. Umm who the hell cares??? I sure don't. If people have difficulty all that means is that to make it easy they just gotta practice.
I wanna be good at things and I want to do things for the fun of it. I don't want to make work out of all these things because then they lose their magic. So how do I achieve this? Well, I do have to practice, but I don't have to pressure myself to practice. I don't have to be perfect, unless I want to be, and I don't want to be. What is the point in being perfect? Someone might say wow that's amazing! OK? and?
So you know what? I'm gonna drop everything until I learn how to make them fun or I realize that I don't want to do them anymore.
An Ethereal Guitarist's Path
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