An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Thursday, June 2, 2011

I dont want to create for myself

I have a blank piece of paper, yet feel no need to creatively write. I think I may have burned myself out and that almost makes me feel alive. It hurts and depresses me but the feeling is overwhelming. I have always wanted to "go somewhere" or "be somebody" and yet when I reach the pinnacle I lose all passion. Am I done with performing arts? How could I be done if I barely experienced it? What the hell would I do without them? My wholel ife I wanted to be unique, different, and better than others. My wholse life I wanted to impress others. My whole life I have battled to be that I am free Im indifferent? I have no will or reason to fight anymore. I think that is was fueled my creativity and motivation. I had a need to become who I am. Now that I have, I am confused and don't know where music fits in to the equation.I really feel I just need a break, but why do I feel a need for break when opportunity arises (humanity falls)? I have no reason to fight for my freedom anymore. I am free, so now where do I go? What do I do? Who do I become.......

One thing I have figured out is that I don't want to make music for my own satisfaction anymore, and have very little if anything at all to express creatively

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