A letter to my future self November 2010- June 2011

dear future self
I have gotten depressed a lot in the past and there was a time when I didn't get depressed at all. It came back to me, however. I think the solution is to change things and do things. How do you feel about that now? What is life like without depression? Am I still self absorbed? How much have I branched out and where do I want to be in the next year? What new music is in my life and what new people do I know. What have I learned? Please tell me it is not all bad. What are the three things I value most? Am I patient anymore? Remember, these are just words! We were put here on this earth to feel joy.



Dear past self
I definitely feel the solution to depression is to change things and do things. Depression has still come and gone but that is because things are truly bothering me, like not having a job. It really limits me. I find depression comes in three different ways. One- being bored. Two- being chronically stressed. Three- not doing what I want. Sometimes I am legitimately bored, which is something I am trying to work on. I have been chronically stressed a little bit. I am not doing all the things that I want to. I am actually not really depressed at the moment, but I have learned that's when these things come; and I have lived in depressionless-times.

I am definitely still self absorbed...in some respect. BBing, practicing music, etc have been selfish. There is definitely sacrifice that comes with hard work and dedication. However, I have been developing to the point where I don't want to be self absorbed anymore. I want to share myself with others and have them interact and love me for that. My life is all about love and being loved now. I think I finally figured it out....I think that is what life's about.

I have branched out quite a bit, but not enough. I have gotten deep into dance (but am taking a break), I have started a band and have come very far on guitar and with bodybuilding. I am starting to take an interest in modeling. I am learning to be more relaxed and happy in social situations. Imagine that?! remember when I was socially anxious?? Yea I do too. I hate that and never want to feel that way again.

The new music in my life....well I have an appreciation for noise, I love salsa and bachata and hispanic music, and post rock. I am not moving very much musically anymore because I have invested so much time into it. However, it is what I know and am familiar with.

I have learned many things. Slow and steady wins the race! but don't be afraid to push yourself. If you think you are working hard just know that there is someone else in the world who is at least one step ahead of you. Always try to stay balanced. Plan things, but don;t be afraid to deviate from the plans and improvise and just act on impulse. Use all resources. Don't only plan, don't only act impulsively. Do everything. Enjoy being yourself.

Life really ain't that bad. I need to do some more things to make it really good honestly. But it isn't bad

The three things value most?? I rarely consider what I value. Hmmm...First would be my friends. They have helped me out tremendously and there's so much that I owe them. They are some amazing people. Second on the list would be love. I value love the most out of anything I think. Third...I don't know beyond that. That was a difficult question though!

These are just words. We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy.