An Ethereal Guitarist's Path

Sunday, June 19, 2011

from helplessness to love

From Helplessness to love

For years and years I have tried my best. I knew the definition of hard work. All I did was work towards my goals. At the end of the day, when I was done chasing the sun I realized I had been chasing the wrong person, the wrong thing, the wrong activity, the wrong goal. Had my whole life been a waste? A COMPLETE waste? Can you really comprehend that? All 21 years of my life a waste….Where do I go from here, my life is damaged unconditionally. I hadn’t found my true love, I hadn’t found what made me happy…all I found were arbitrary ideals that I held high, higher than everyone else. Higher than nature, higher than beauty, higher than interaction, connection, love, and you. My life has been a waste and my god does it feel like I don’t ever want to live again. I used to think there was no hope until that spark flew through my brain and slowly lifted me up from my submissive position. The spark showed me something that I wish to show you. A new insight, a new knowledge, a new key to HAPPINESS! Can you believe that? I want to show you that happiness is real and that if you come with me, hold my hand, and be with me you too can be happy! Imagine that? We can both be happy with each other’s happiness. I don’t use the word happy lightly. I know what true happiness is. Please don’t you believe me? No? Why not? I thought you said you trusted me!!!! Well, you don’t want to come with me, you don’t want to hold my hand and be close to me, you don’t want to be happy with me. That’s fine. I know that will make me happy one day, but that day is not today. Today is the day where I realized what true love is…

I love myself and my life. Yes the life that I wasted. Yes the life that made me miserable. I love that I had to go through such a long and agonizing journey to really figure out how to be happy. And the secret to happiness is to JUST BE. Be yourself, and live, and say the things you want to say, do the things you want to do, love the things you want to love regardless of if they love you back. Love yourself and love life. It is ok. You will be ok. I will be ok.

This picture is the moment in which that spark lit up the rest of my mind. When EVERYTHING was pitch black and nothing could be seen

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