updates, updates, and more updates

Well now, I am a little stuck, a little motivated, a little inspired, a little anxious, and a little ready to give art my all. First and foremost, losing my job has put me in a position of instabililty. I need to get that back asap. Once I do that, then I can put all the other pieces back together.

I am considering making a totally new blog with a new account. One for a "professional" name for myself. The blogs I have been writing are the very most personal things I have ever written and that is why they are not good material to show the general public. At this moment, most people that even read my blogs are my closest friends and I think I will keep it that way. These blogs are for my close friends to see what is going on inside my mind.

My younger brother/friend Thiago has been making many releases, and recently he started a real blog for his music, he also has a youtube page of all his music and his music is getting great feedback. This is where I need to get to if I want to do anything with my music. I do have an album and plan to be writing much more. However, like usual, all my friends seem to be ahead of me. I am the odd ball in the group in that I do things at a much different pace than others, such as going to school or learning a new hobby

I have always been behind and unsure in life. Lately I have been morphing my mind to start thinking a lot more assertively. People in my dance classes have even told me the same thing, to be more assertive when I dance. Well that has never been part of my personality up until now. So from now on, I have to work towards making a name for myself. Every day, or mostly every day I have to focus my energy into any little thing that will help me get to this. Even something as small as organizing my music files. Any little thing will help.


right now, my inspiration to writing is coming from dancing!

Need some inspiration

Well, I have the motivation, I have the practicing and my skills back, now I just need some inspiration to write.

My next album idea is as follows: I plan to make it like a progression. It is going to start of very simply and bright. I will start with just solo guitar, at first one guitar, then I will slowly ad other instrumnts, and slowly make some nice counter parts and melodies. Then it will go into a silent hill esque vibe withambient drums. From there it will go to a brighter cleaner and happier sound, much influnced by bachata. After that it will start going to kind of metal ballads, and then progresively get heavier and more complex with rhtyhms and percussion and everything else, ultimately spanning to an ulcerate/DSO sound.

This is going to be one crazy and long album to complete. I think I will take small steps with making this album. Well I should call this a project and just release albums in the meantime.

I think all I needed was a break, and now to become involved in a scene

So, I was getting worn out with guitar and music and decided it was time to take a break. A few hours after coming to tht decision, I felt that it was time to play again! Well, I learned something here. I was tired of being forced/pressured to play, not of playing itself. That being said, I am going to start some good practicing again and really paying attention to my playing and the more technical aspects. For instance, my vibrato technique, it has always been pretty awful. I will also be focusing a lot more on my legato. I still need to brush up on picking between strings, including trem picking. Then I need to practice my bends. For now, those are the major things that need work.

I will also stop looking at practicing as something I "have" to do. Because it isn't. Nothing in the world is. However, it is something that I want to do.

Another topic I would like to brush upon is organization. This is going to be the skill that is fundamental to all areas of succcess in life. When things are organized, I can easily shift from one thing to another, make any necessary ajustments, and just feel at ease with. Before I moved on my own, I was a freakin mess and now that half my shit is STILL packed up I am pretty much organized a lot better. I think I will start fresh and keep it this way. Also, not having access to my computer's hard drive is helping with this because god knows, thats a mess too.

Weekly improv videos. This was inspired from my brother and it is basically his idea. Why the hell I never thought of doing this before is beyond me. This will give me a chance to show people what I am working on besides all the super obscure music that no one gets to hear as well as a reference point to learn from and better my playing.

I am also going to start lesson videos! My long term goal is to have a whole archive of extensive videos and lessons on a website that people can sign up for. I will also have demo vids for the people that are skeptical. I am looking to work with people of all skill levels for these. I am also going to start working on my website articles (lessons) since that is going to be the bulk of my website. The rest will just be info about me and all that (so far).


The point of doingall these things is to take small stes into getting my name out there. I want to share with people this long journey I have gone through to get to where I am. It will also be a great networking tool.

Inspiration dwindling? What I make of it

My inspiration to play has dwindled greatly. I write and play because I have things to express, mostly feelings of some sort of negativity. I very rarely write happy songs and what not. Well, at this point in my life I am actually very happy and not stressed out and that is showing as I don't have that same drive to write anymore. part of this is also due to exploring different things, which have had some influence on what I do play when I do. My braing is transitioning to focusing on dance a lot more than music at this point. This has been very hard for me to accept. Through all my life in music I have always been disciplined to practice practice and practice, as well as pushing myself to write creatively and to the best of my ability. But what do I do when those feelings start going away? Well, what I am doing now is refocusing my energy. I don't want to fulfill only the music side of myself, as there is too much I would miss in life. Also, fulfilling other feelings, activities, hobbies, and what have you will add to the music side of me anyway. Life and all its qualities are synergistic to what you love doing. If you love doing something, then anything and everything will affect it.

My new hobby: fulfilling my personality

one thought leads to another
A while ago I wrote in my phone about what qualities i would like to express to other people and the liste I came up with is as follows:
well mannered
cheerful
humorous
down to earth
strength
courage
intelligence
wisdom
charisma
uunderstanding
fun
passion
The 5 things that I need to greatly work on are as follows:
Cheerfulness
hunor
intelligence
charisma
fun


I came up with a small equation
Cheerfulness + intelligence + humor = charismatic. A greatly charismatic person = fun


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What would my life be like without hovvies or passions? I imagine just like everyone else's. I feel as that is the main thing that separates me from others. I am at a point where I am thinking of something new to pursue and coming up blank. I think that a lot of people get to this point and give up; thus they just live and do "fun and dumb" activities. Passion is what gives me reason to live. It makes me thrive
Without passion, connection between others becomes more frequent yet less inense. I now know what I am looking for in a girlfriend and best friend, and that is passion.

12th stage

Upon writing this, I realized, I do not know how to spell 12th. I think its twelveth. This is a continuation of another post, the stages of my life. I am entering yet another stage. that stage consists of charisma and professionalism. It is time for me to figure out how to really reach out to others and to vocalize myself.

Enlightened weekend!

Ok, So my man Thiago spent the weekend at my house. I will skip to the highlights of the weekend. We had our first jam the first day he was here. I was on my guitar, him on keyboards. It was great to play with him and to play with a different style of keys than I am used to (jamming with my brother). We hit up some good free form melodic ambient esque music. At the end of this, I was very tired because, well, ambient music just puts me to sleep! Our second jam was with Circle of Insanity, my "black metal" project with Eston. We jammed our first song right away and holy shit it went nearly perfect, for a jam! It was amazing and I truly felt alive in the music with the added bass and vocals. This practice went really productive and I feel like we are truly making progress being that it was our third rehearsal. I have learned a lot on guitar and I am finally able to use a lot of that in music with other people. I am so happy all the countless hours I had put in in the passed years to practice really paid off. HARD WORK PAYS OFF!!!!! I pushed myself at that practice and the next jam session I had. I am getting closer and closer to the skill level I want to be at. I am realizing that when I am home and practicing I don't always play very clean or perfectly or I don't have much energy, but when I am in a band or playing with others I obligate myself and play how I should. My friends all have very nice things to say about my guitar playing and I appreciate it so much, however, I feel like it isn't anything special. I feel many many other people could easily achieve what I have, and so many people have done that and lots lots more. It doesn't seem that most people understand that, but hey so what. I guess I am a good guitar player. At the very least I stay true to what I like to play, and that is the most important thing in art.

The last two jam sessions I had were probably the best (aside from circle of insanity practice). The second to last one was an acoustic jam. We played my classical and acoustic electric. It was very meditative and intense. I really loved this one because it seemed like Thiago really connected with what I was playing. It was fun to let loose with someone else on the classical. It feels meaningless to do it when I am alone except for practice, it's kinda like having a conversation with yourself, what's the point? Then the last jam sessions was me Thiago and my brother. This one was very cool however a bit chaotic, but I guess that is expect with 3 people who have rather varied and odd tastes in music.

Aside from the jam sessions, we had some very stimulating conversations of the universe and life. I felt as though I was somewhat of a mentor to Thiago. I was spewing a lot of "wisdom" which it seemed as though he took a lot of it to heart, and I hope he did, because a lot of what I was saying rings true for many, if not all aspects of life. It was great to develop a bit of relationship that way, it also help me understand more of what I was saying because talking about things will do that in general.

The last thing I would like to mention is the very first listening of The Beckoning Lake with the cello track and my second listening of John Coltrane- MFT live in japan. Both were great listening experiences. Listening to these was a bit more familiar to me so it's not like I had a new enlightening experience. It was a lot of reinforcement this time.